My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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