Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
