I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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