Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
