I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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