Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
