Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
