is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
