It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
