Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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