he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
