I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
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I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
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Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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