peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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