nut hugger
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Couch. On fire.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
