I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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