Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
