There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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