dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
