Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
