so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
