All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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