So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
