He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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