booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
