Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
