Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
