xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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