Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
