no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
