I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
