Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
