Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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