Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Randomize
