my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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