I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
is it fun? or sober?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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