the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
