I CAN MOONWALK!
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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