took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
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I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
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i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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