and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
