I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize