Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
