ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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