Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
