turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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