Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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