He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
