everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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