I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
