Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Let's get the cat blown out
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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