Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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