girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
