There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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