I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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