Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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