Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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