just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
