it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
