Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
