i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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