I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
