it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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