the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
