I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
