I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
