It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
