i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
