Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
