So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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