At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
there is glitter all over my balls
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
