I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
